Confidence is the Key

~4/27/2013~

Okay, I know that it has been months since I have written anything on here. I know that I said that I would try to write something in it every day as well. Also, after this post I may or may not write in it again for a long time, I don’t know. All I know is that I just feel like writing down how I feel and that is… torn. Life lately has been pulling me from all sides as of lately and frankly I’m about ready to kick life in the britches to tell it how much it just confuses me.

   It’s so strange that I (a 21 years old) feel as though I know nothing that I should. It is like I’m in this state of limbo between adulthood and childhood. The life that I’m facing is both exciting and scary at the same time. Looking back to when I was 17 or 18 I just want to laugh at the fact that I thought I was so mature then. I was but a child! No idea what it was like to be a help meet, to raise a household or to nurture children. I knew nothing about the responsibilities that come with growing up and learning that you are not the only one in this world. I was selfish more than I even knew.

   Now I would like to say that I have learned by now what it is to be an adult, but sadly I cannot say that one bit. Even though I may have changed in a good way and have learned many of my faults, I still find myself at a lost. What is an adult? How can I serve others with the brotherly love that Scripture talks about and not be selfish? What do I need to know before I enter into betrothal? (Yes I said betrothal, but that is another story for another time. I have all these questions whirling around my head that it makes me just want to scream out “STOP!!"

    My beloved tells me all the time that I am too hard on myself and maybe… I am, but I just have so many unanswered questions about what I’m supposed to do. It is all so overwhelming, but I want to do it right. I am in a way a perfectionist but more so I a failure that wants so desperately to do things right. I just seem to mess things up no matter how much I try. Whether it is something I said, did, didn't say, or didn't do, I fail in some way or at least I feel like I do.

    Now as you probably guess I don’t have any answers for those questions I asked, if I did I probably wouldn't be writing this now, hehe. :-P What I do have is Scripture and Yahuwah’s promise that He won’t leave or forsake me.  So if anyone out there is feeling the way I do know this… That you aren't alone and there is an answer to those questions you have. I know it. I just don’t know when or how to get it. But until then here are some scriptures that I have found that might encourage you. 

Heb 4:16 Therefore, let us come boldly to the throne of favour, in order to receive compassion, and find favour for timely help.

Heb 10:35-39 Do not, then, lose your boldness, which has great reward.

For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the desire of Elohim, you receive the promise:

 “For yet a little while – He who is coming shall come and shall not delay.”

 “But the righteous shall live by belief, but if anyone draws back, my being has no pleasure in him.”

But we are not of those who draw back to destruction, but of belief to the preservation of life.

Heb 13:5-6  Let your way of life be without the love of money, and be satisfied with what you have. For He Himself has said, “I shall never leave you nor forsake you,” so that we boldly say, “יהוה is my helper, I shall not fear what man shall do to me.” (I suggest to read the whole chapter, it’s really good.)

Jer 17:7-8  “Blessed is the man who trusts in יהוה, and whose trust is יהוה.  For he shall be like a tree planted by the waters, which spreads out its roots by the river, and does not see when heat comes. And his leaf shall be green, and in the year of drought he is not anxious, nor does he cease from yielding fruit.

Eph 6:10-18  For the rest, my brothers, be strong in the Master and in the mightiness of His strength.  Put on the complete armour of Elohim, for you to have power to stand against the schemes of the devil. Because we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against authorities, against the world-rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual matters of wickedness in the heavenlies. Because of this, take up the complete armour of Elohim, so that you have power to withstand in the wicked day, and having done all, to stand. Stand, then, having girded your waist with truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and having fitted your feet with the preparation of the Good News of peace; above all, having taken up the shield of belief with which you shall have power to quench all the burning arrows of the wicked one. Take also the helmet of deliverance, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of Elohim, praying at all times, with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, watching in all perseverance and supplication for all the set-apart ones;

HalleluYah!!

A Quiet Place

~8/2/2012~

The view that I have from the barn.

Every night for a little over a week I have been going outside just before I head off to bed. I go out to my family's unfinished barn. Climb up the ladder, walk across the flat roof and plop myself down at the other side of the roof, where I can look out at the field next to our property. It's my time that I get just to think, unwind and most of all spend quality time with my Heavenly Father. It's amazing how much it helps, after stress filled day, to sit back and look at the starry night sky and just let it all go. Most of all there are so few distractions in quiet country night, making it great for talking to the one that made us all.
  I don't know if you (the one reading this) has ever done what I described. Maybe you can't, don't have the time or just can't seem to shut off that brain of yours. It makes sense, since most of us are constantly bombarded with everything imaginable; people talking, the next world crisis, drama at work and all those shiny man-made devices that are just so tempting. I mean, it's a wonder that we can get sort of peace from this world, maybe some can't. But despite all those distractions in this world, there are places that still hang on to that quiet, pure form of living. These places, though sometimes hard to find, can always be found if you search hard enough.
  How can you find one of these places? Well, how can you do anything without trying? You see, these places aren't locations that you can just go to. They are more of the place that you find yourself when you are looking up at the stars and that feeling of how small you really are. Or looking at a beautiful sunset (kind of oxymoron there, because what sunset isn't beautiful) and wonder how our Creator as the ability to make it so no two sunsets are alike. For it me it's when I'm by myself with Yahuwah, in nature just studying His creation. That is where I feel closest to Him. Where I can sometimes even hear His voice in the wind or in the cricket's song. And when I feel the most at peace.
   To sum it up... The only way I know how to find these places is by believing and following the example  of the One that spoke these words...

Joh 14:27 “Peace I leave with you – My peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid."

Yahushua, the Son of the Creator of all...

HalleluYAH!!!

Do Not Fear

~8/1/2012~


I have been thinking about fear and what causes certain fears lately. Every one of us has our own fears. Some of them are shared by many, some seem like you are the only one that has them. But is that true? Could it be that there is something that only one individual fears? Or is it that we all are just hiding our fears from each other; making it so we are unable to relate to one another and help to overcome these fears?
   It makes sense... that we, faulty humanity, are all afraid of giving up our weaknesses. All it would take is someone to use those fears against you and then where would we be? Broken. Hurt. Scared. All three emotions that none of us truly want to feel. But we do, all the time.
   That's why I say it takes great courage to put yourself out there. To tell someone what makes you tremble and shake. It is like putting a sword in their hands; giving them the power and the choice to protect you with it or stab you in the heart (graphic I know, but it feels like that sometimes).
   So how do we know if someone is trustworthy to carry this hypothetical sword? How many hoops will they have to jump through before you can trust them? And how many hoops will you have to jump before you can earn their trust? We of course do this to test if their worthy, but why after all of that it's never enough? Why do we keep building our walls higher and thicker, so the ones we care about can't get over or break through? Is it because we are afraid of being hurt? That seems to be the usual excuse. We say we don't want to be hurt, but when we push people we end up getting hurt as well. Confusing right? I think so...
   Sadly, I have really no answer to these question. I am, like everyone else, broken. I am also afraid that if I shared my weaknesses with others I will get hurt. Maybe that's why we hurt others, because we are too busy worrying about whether they will hurt us we never stop to think if they might be in as much pain as we are... I don't know.
   All I know is that my Heavenly Father tells me about fear...

Deu 3:22  "Do not fear them, for יהוה your Elohim Himself fights for you."
Deu 31:6 “Be strong and courageous, do not fear nor be afraid of them. For it is יהוה your Elohim who is going with you. He does not fail you nor forsake you.” 
Deu 31:8 “And it is יהוה who is going before you, He Himself is with you. He does not fail you nor forsake you. Do not fear nor be discouraged.” 
Isa 41:10 "Do not fear, for I am with you. Do not look around, for I am your Elohim. I shall strengthen you, I shall also help you, I shall also uphold you with the right hand of My righteousness."

Do not fear... Not a request by our creator, but a command. A command that is impossible without Him...


Psa 34:4 I sought יהוה, and He answered me, And delivered me from all my fears. 
Psa 27:1 יהוה is my light and my deliverance; Whom should I fear? יהוה is the refuge of my life; Whom should I dread?
Psa 56:3-4 In the day I am afraid, I trust in You. In Elohim, whose Word I praise, In Elohim I have trusted; I do not fear; What could flesh do to me?

Do not fear my friends, for if you are with Yahuwah... There is no one that can hurt you. He is completely trustworthy.


HalleluYAH!!!