Okay, I know that it has been months since I have written
anything on here. I know that I said that I would try to write something in it
every day as well. Also, after this post I may or may not write in it again for
a long time, I don’t know. All I know is that I just feel like writing down how
I feel and that is… torn. Life lately has been pulling me from all sides as of
lately and frankly I’m about ready to kick life in the britches to tell it how
much it just confuses me.
It’s so strange
that I (a 21 years old) feel as though I know nothing that I should. It is like
I’m in this state of limbo between adulthood and childhood. The life that I’m
facing is both exciting and scary at the same time. Looking back to when I was
17 or 18 I just want to laugh at the fact that I thought I was so mature then.
I was but a child! No idea what it was like to be a help meet, to raise a household
or to nurture children. I knew nothing about the responsibilities that come
with growing up and learning that you are not the only one in this world. I was
selfish more than I even knew.
Now I would like to
say that I have learned by now what it is to be an adult, but sadly I cannot
say that one bit. Even though I may have changed in a good way and have learned
many of my faults, I still find myself at a lost. What is an adult? How can I
serve others with the brotherly love that Scripture talks about and not be
selfish? What do I need to know before I enter into betrothal? (Yes I said
betrothal, but that is another story for another time. I have all these questions whirling around my head that it makes me just want to scream out “STOP!!"
My beloved tells
me all the time that I am too hard on myself and maybe… I am, but I just have
so many unanswered questions about what I’m supposed to do. It is all so
overwhelming, but I want to do it right. I am in a way a perfectionist but more
so I a failure that wants so desperately to do things right. I just seem to mess
things up no matter how much I try. Whether it is something I said, did, didn't say, or didn't do, I fail in some way or at least I feel like I do.
Now as you probably guess I don’t have any
answers for those questions I asked, if I did I probably wouldn't be writing
this now, hehe. :-P What I do have is Scripture and Yahuwah’s promise that He
won’t leave or forsake me. So if anyone
out there is feeling the way I do know this… That you aren't alone and there is
an answer to those questions you have. I know it. I just don’t know when or how
to get it. But until then here are some scriptures that I have found that might
encourage you.
Heb 4:16 Therefore,
let us come boldly to the throne of favour, in order to receive compassion, and
find favour for timely help.
Heb 10:35-39 Do not, then, lose your boldness, which has great reward.
For you have need of endurance, so that when you
have done the desire of Elohim, you receive the promise:
“For yet a
little while – He who is coming shall come and shall not delay.”
“But the
righteous shall live by belief, but if anyone draws back, my being has no
pleasure in him.”
But we are not of those who draw back to
destruction, but of belief to the preservation of life.
Heb 13:5-6 Let your way of life be
without the love of money, and be satisfied with what you have. For He Himself
has said, “I shall never leave you nor forsake you,” so that we boldly say, “יהוה is my helper, I shall not fear what man shall do to me.” (I
suggest to read the whole chapter, it’s really good.)
Jer 17:7-8 “Blessed is the man who trusts
in יהוה, and whose trust is יהוה. For he shall be like a
tree planted by the waters, which spreads out its roots by the river, and does
not see when heat comes. And his leaf shall be green, and in the year of
drought he is not anxious, nor does he cease from yielding fruit.
Eph 6:10-18 For the rest, my brothers, be
strong in the Master and in the mightiness of His strength. Put on the complete armour of Elohim, for you
to have power to stand against the schemes of the devil. Because we do not
wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against
authorities, against the world-rulers of the darkness of this age, against
spiritual matters of wickedness in the heavenlies. Because of this, take
up the complete armour of Elohim, so that you have power to withstand in the
wicked day, and having done all, to stand. Stand, then, having girded your
waist with truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and
having fitted your feet with the preparation of the Good News of peace; above
all, having taken up the shield of belief with which you shall have power to
quench all the burning arrows of the wicked one. Take also the helmet of deliverance,
and the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of Elohim, praying at all times,
with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, watching in all perseverance
and supplication for all the set-apart ones;
HalleluYah!!
